As a kid, I had really big dreams.
I remember telling everyone who asked - and maybe even those who didn’t - that I wanted to be a teacher and a fashion designer. When I got a little older, that dream changed a bit and I would say that I wanted to be a cosmetologist. My mom, who has always been super supportive of my dreams, always made sure I had the tools necessary to make my dreams come true.
Along with my vast collection of books, I had notebooks filled with hand drawings of clothing ideas and would proudly show them off whenever company would come by. One day, my mom brought home a mannequin head that allowed me to practice and experiment with different hairstyles. That’s actually how I taught myself how to do cornrows. Whatever career I expressed interest in, I was encouraged to pursue it.
When it was time to finally pick a major in college, my love for writing led me to study and pursue a career in journalism. And for several years, I worked at news stations and other organizations as a writer. Later on, my compassion for people and feeling the urge to positively impact health care through writing, would lead me to pursue a career in nursing. You’re probably thinking to yourself that none of this makes sense. Trust me, I often thought the same thing. My plans for my life didn’t include going back to school or pursuing an entirely different career. However, at 28 years old and after years of trying to find a job that felt right, I took a leap of faith and began taking the steps toward pursuing a nursing degree. It took me some time to wrap my mind around what this meant. I questioned if my pursuit of another degree and a different career altogether would look like failure to some people. Would people assume I just wasn’t talented enough to be a journalist? When I would tell people about my plans of becoming a journalist, their faces would light up as they shared how they thought I could be the next Oprah or how they couldn’t wait to see my face on network news. Because I knew these people generally meant well, I never shared with them that my goal was never to do any of the things they were so sure I could do. I wanted to simply write and operate in my creativity - I just didn’t always know what that would look like.
What I was sure of is that the lack of fulfillment I was feeling, the pressure and anxiety I was experiencing, and that nudge from God prompting me to pivot required more than just a new job or title. I needed to lean into this change. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Going back to school meant that I would need to make some difficult sacrifices. I left my job and the comfort of stability to step into unfamiliar territory.
When I look back over the last 15 years or so, I can clearly see that my life has been full of pivots. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a tendency to over-analyze and overthink almost every situation. I am someone who is most comfortable when there are predictable outcomes and a set path that is visible even from a distance. In other words, I like to see the whole picture from the beginning. While wanting to be prepared isn’t a bad thing, as a believer, needing to know every detail leaves no room for God to move. This particular moment in my life was God’s way of inviting me to trust Him even when it didn’t quite make sense to me.
How would I blend my love for writing and my new career as a nurse? Did this career mean that I would never get the chance to explore my creativity? Would I ever get the chance to write the kinds of stories I wanted to write? I would be lying if I said I have everything all figured out. In fact, I’m going to be honest and say that I have no idea how any of what I have experienced thus far fits into the bigger picture for my life. I do, however, believe in full circle moments. I don’t believe that the experiences God allows us to have are isolated or that they are mere happenstance. I believe that our experiences are interconnected and purposed for reasons bigger than our minds can conceive. And what if I told you that a pivot isn’t just about destination but also about relationship? A lot of times, we’re resistant to pivots because they interrupt our routine and in some cases, require that we let go of some of the things we envisioned for our lives. Pivots also demand confidence and great faith in the Creator and in the things we hope for but can’t see.
Not only was I stepping out on faith, I realized early on that I had to relinquish my perceptions of what a “normal” career path looked like. I also had to free myself from the expectations of others and the pressure to become who they saw me as. What matters to me most is how God sees me. And whatever God places on my heart and in my mind to pursue, that is the direction I will go. Besides, who told us that we were only allowed to dream one dream at a time? My desire to create didn’t go away when I started nursing school or when I got my first job as a newly licensed nurse. Instead, because I know God called me to this new place, I do my best to operate in faith knowing that sooner or later, it will all make sense. If you’re a dreamer like me then you know what it feels like to want to do so many amazing things. You feel called to do so much. Some of those things are connected and some may seem like they came out of nowhere. Talk to our creative God and see what He tells you to do. You never know - He may just tell you it’s time to pivot.